Tuesday, July 24, 2012

A Few of my Favorite Things...

When you have three dogs, it's nearly impossible for nice things not to get destroyed in some way or another. Some of this is due to carelessness on my part; leaving my underwear on the floor is a clear invitation to rip it apart. And it is no coincidence that restaurants put leftovers in a "doggie bag," so if it's left in the car with a doggie, a doggie's going to eat it.

The other night I was on the floor, working on a crochet project. I had many crocheted squares laid out in the pattern that I wanted them and I was beginning to attach all of them to make a precious little baby blanket for a friend who's having twins. Focused in on my stitches, I didn't realize there were two dogs on top of my project. Not just on top of it; Max was rolling around on it like he was rolling in a bowl full of dog treats. "Really, Max? Really?" I shooed him and JD away from the blanket. Later, Crimson strutted over and stood in the middle of it. "Crimson, no, move. No, Crimson. Move. Move. Mooooooove. Don't lay down. No. No. Nooooooo!" He looked right into my eyes and laid down on top of the blanket. I nudged him with my foot and he just looked at me like, "I'm old. You can't make me move."

But laying on projects or clothes or paperwork is only the tip of the iceberg. I can't even tell you how many times I've come home to something of mine having been completely ruined. Because it's never Gary's stuff, it's always my stuff. My underwear, my books, my flowers, my laptop. About 95% of the time, Mr. Puppy is the culprit, although Max will eat a whole plate of food in the 3 seconds it takes you to grab a fork out of the kitchen and come back. JD is now 1 1/2 years old so he's mostly out of his chewing-on-everything phase, but not quite all the way. I used to set things on top of his kennel because, well, it's convenient. But then he started pulling things through the holes in his kennel and eating them. Like an entire sleeve of a sweatshirt. An entire sleeve. All the way up to the armpit. Of a brand new sweatshirt. So I guess that was my bad for leaving a sweatshirt draped over his kennel, teasing him, just as it's my bad for leaving things on the floor/in the open that I know are too tempting to leave alone. But peeing on my laptop was surely uncalled for.

A few months ago Gary was in Seattle for an out of town bachelor party. And JD wasn't happy about it. I was sitting on the floor with my laptop laying, closed, beside me. Now, JD is very good about letting us know when he has to go potty and at this point in time, he hadn't had an accident in the house in a very long time. He should have been banging the doorknob with his nose, but instead he just peed right where he was. I heard this sound like water being poured on plastic and turned to see JD's leg lifted over my precious MacBook. "Nooooooooooooooo!!!!" I lunged at him, trying to redirect the stream. I pushed him outside and began mopping up my laptop. I called Gary in tears, "JD....peed...on my...computer," I said in between sobs. Gary heard nothing but, "JD...waaaaaaaahhhh...hiccup...computer!" I filled a bucket with all the rice we had in our house and submerged the laptop. Later, I attempted to turn it on, the fan started running, then stopped, and the screen stayed black. I called Gary again and wailed some more and he promised me I wouldn't lose everything on my computer. When he got back, he took it to the computer-fixer-store and they said the urine had fried some kind of something inside and they could replace it, but it wouldn't be worth the money. So in the end, I got a brand new MacBook Pro, but it was really expensive and there went my tax return.

JD has not since peed on anything of mine, but he has knocked over various potted plants, chewed up at least three books, destroyed a bajillion pairs of underwear, ripped a hole in a pair of pants, and broken a crochet needle in half. So if you have dogs and you want to have nice things, put them away. My new MacBook has yet to see the ground and I no longer put things on top of puppy's kennel. But who knows what I'll forget to pick up next...

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